Posts Tagged ‘Matress’

I’m Middle Eastern

February 25, 2010

Yeah, it’s true. As a matter of fact, so are you (that rhymed). I’m sure people will be offended by this post, because every time I talk about Christianity someone gets offended. Unfortunately for everyone else it’s 6:30 in the morning, I’m awake, and I’m not in a good mood. It’s a mix between the fact that somebody is awake and thought it would be acceptable to call my house and 6:15 and the lingering hatred for an entire half (quarter?) of my family. Enough with the intro, here we go.

According to the bible (people are already offended) the beginning of man and the majority of the bible took place in the middle east. So we would all be descendants ¬†of Adam and his rib Eve. Don’t ask me why I’m white and Tiger Woods is black because I didn’t write it, but for humors sake go along with me.

I think that was sort of an intro too, but we’ll call it a prelude or perhaps a backstory. Now we move to modern day and take a look at your average, God fearing (Leviticus 25:17-“Thou shalt fear thy God: for I am the LORD your God.”), white, redneck. Now you’re saying “Why does it have to be a christian redneck every time? Can’t you make fun of someone else?”. No, this is really just a big joke, but it has some research behind it.

Anyways, so we take your average bigot, let’s name him Adolf, and trace is lineage back 6000 years (the beginning of time). Despite his hatred for the terrorist of the middle east and the black guy that lives up the street, they all come from the same person. You could argue that everyone comes from Noah and his wife because at one point they were the only people living. However, they did come from Adam and Eve so I guess that’s where Adolf came from too.

I guess there isn’t really a punchline to the joke, but at 6 in the morning the irony of the shotgun shooting redneck coming from the middle east made me laugh. Since I’ve only managed one bible verse in this entire thing here’s two more ( plus the first one).

Leviticus 25:17-“Thou shalt fear thy God: for I am the LORD your God.
1 John 4:8 “God is Love.”
1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”